


baby don't you know that i'll always be true

by RoverKelevra



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 13:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12631791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoverKelevra/pseuds/RoverKelevra
Summary: I got tagged for a music meme on tumblr where you stick your playlist on shuffle and share the first ten tracks. I askedskitzofreakif it was okay to steal her amazing idea for writing a drabble for each song. These are all Jyn, Cassian or rebelcap based and are of varying quality and length. They mostly ended up angsty. Sorry. And I was pretty drunk when I wrote most of these. Again, sorry.(cautiously rated as teen because I'm really not sure where the border between general and teen lies)





	baby don't you know that i'll always be true

**1) Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri**  
Who is she to ask for love when all she’s left behind is pain. All her parents left her one by one. They all broke their promises. Why would she be any different. How dare Saw look at her with such pain in his eyes, like she is the one who betrayed him. Love is pain. All it leaves is scars and bad memories. Love from her family is a curse. She wouldn’t wish that on anyone. And yet it seems she can’t help but spread it. No matter what she tries it she can’t stop it. It’s like she’s collecting their smiles, all for her, locking them up so she can bring them out sometimes to thaw the ice in her soul temporarily. Sooner or later they’ll realise she’s leeching the warmth of their hearts for her own. And then they’ll leave her too.

**2) Mad World - Eden Prince cover**  
He sees all of them. But he never feels seen. Not truly. He’s not close enough to anyone for that, something he’s maintained carefully. He’s surrounded by a myriad of people on base and he slips between their ranks unnoticed. They’re not all happy all the time. Of course they’re not. But he catches glimpses of happy moments from time to time, automatically logs it in the back of his mind. He takes satisfaction in their moments. Each one is a victory, a strike against the Empire. He doesn’t have anyone to share any with himself but that doesn’t matter. They do. Them and all the other beings in the galaxy suffering under the chains of oppression. He fights for them to have peace, to have more happy moments. And in the rare moments when he dreams of his own future he finds peace in imagining a death that means something. If he can die doing something that makes a difference then that will be enough, more than enough.

**3) Dirty Magic - The Offspring**  
Usually he’s so good at knowing people. Ten minutes of conversation and he can lead them into telling him their heart’s desires. But she evades him. Worse than that, he loses all cohesive thought the moment she gets in his space, which she always does. And he can’t help but let her. He’s drawn to her. Something about her is intoxicating. But Force does she frustrate him. She had the nerve to steal his blaster, not even bothering to be subtle, and then speak to him of trust! And his mission only complicates everything. She judges him for his orders. Orders that he disobeyed. She doesn’t care about his internal conflict. She doesn’t even see it. A _stormtrooper_ she calls him. But she doesn’t know him, doesn’t know what he’s done for the cause. She cannot judge him, not when the so called ‘luxuries’ of their lives have differed so much. At least that’s what he tells himself, ignoring the feel of blades sliding under his skin.

**4) Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Green Day**  
So many points in their lives have led to this point, to them being here together. So many decisions, so many random chances. Some good, some bad. It doesn’t matter now. Cassian wouldn’t change any of it. Not now. He feels at peace at last, something he had long ago given up all hope of having for himself. Pulling her closer to him, the sand shifting under his knees, his only hope is that Jyn feels maybe even an ounce of what he is. Not the weary ache or burning of strained muscles, nor the uncomfortable numbing sensation slowly worming its way down his body from the base of his spine. But the warmth rapidly suffusing his heart and overwhelming everything else. He prays to the Force that Jyn feels that too. He hopes that she is as content with meeting her end with him as he is meeting it with her.

**5) White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane**  
Some of the other Intelligence agents talked in the past about this or that medicine which helped them. After a while Cassian tried one or two. They didn’t help. Not that he had much hope that they would. But it seemed worth giving them the chance, if they could help him do more for the cause. Instead he has learnt to find other methods of dealing. He’s well practiced in telling his mind what it needs to hear now. Almost from the moment he feels those unwanted thoughts setting in (once he’s allowed them their allotted time) he launches himself into his practiced script. He knows every scene by rote now. It’s not hard when they are all variations on the same theme. It’s easy to pull up the necessary scene and feed it to his mind. He tries to ignore how over time the number of iterations required has steadily increased.

**6) Born to Die - Lana Del Rey**  
The rain beating down covers the soft tread of her boots and soaks her to the skin as Jyn walks down the centre of the ranks towards him. Its rhythm threatens to drag her down into her past but she barely notices it or any of those around her. Her eyes are locked on Cassian, standing tall and proud as he waits for her, not facing her yet but she’s sure she can feel the thrum of his anticipation even from here. As she gets close she takes one last chance to admire the sight of him, the way his sodden clothes cling to his fine form only aiding in her appraisal. When she finally comes to a halt by him he turns and looks at her through his lank dripping hair, pain and pride in his beautiful eyes. He reaches for her and Jyn moves to take his hands in hers, only to be yanked to the side by her elbow at the last moment. To be so close to him here and now but kept just out of reach is agony. She pulls against the stormtrooper’s restraining grip, cursing him and the binders on her wrists, gaining a little ground and brushing her fingers against Cassian’s – their touch electrifying in the icy storm – only to be yanked back again, more forcefully this time, as another trooper grabs her other elbow. Cassian is being similarly held back, all poise and restraint lost the moment Jyn had been pulled away from him, he is furiously fighting to get to her. They both earn blows to their heads for their efforts, adding to the bruises and cuts they are already sporting, the troopers not bothering to be careful now it won’t matter anymore. The blows stun them long enough for them to be forced to their knees facing each other, only a few feet apart, though it feels much farther. Once again they’re ready to die together, and once again are wishing for more time together. But unlike Scarif they don’t have the solace of dying in each other’s arms. Instead, one of them will be forced to watch as the other is executed with a single shot to the back of the head before receiving the same execution themselves. As Jyn sways and looks up at him blurrily she feels sick with the desperate hope that Cassian is first so he doesn’t have to watch her die. And she knows he is having the same hope for her.

**7) In-A-Gadda-Da-Vidda - Iron Butterfly**  
A new track starts playing and Jyn cocks her head to the side as she listens to the intro, a grin soon spreading across her face. In no time at all she’s on her feet and holding her hand out to Cassian. He looks from her hand to her face and back to her hand as he sighs good naturedly and lets her pull him to his feet and onto the dance floor. Her open delight soon brings out the smile he was fighting down.

**8) You Can't Always Get What You Want - The Rolling Stones**  
Family. Jyn wants her family back. It’s childish but she can’t seem to help it. Her parents all left her one by one. Two of them twice over. And she knows it’s impossible. But it doesn’t lessen the agony of wanting them back, any of them. Not a day has gone by since she was 8 years old and hiding in the damp, dark cave listening to the falling tears of Lah’mu that she hasn’t thought at least briefly of what it would be like to have her parents back. She spent so long after Saw abandoned her learning to look after herself, and only herself, repeating mantras to herself about how she didn’t need others, that she was better off this way and wanting others to rely on was foolish sentimentality. “Jyn?” A soft, tentative touch at the small of her back brings her out of her reverie and she turns, stepping closer to Cassian as he looks down at her, concern in his beautiful eyes. Her new family are busying themselves behind him, loading the cargo bay of their ‘new’ ship, and she takes a few moments to watch them, the way they interact and move easily with each other, lets the long suppressed sentimentality of her heart have a small tentative taste of hope. Cassian’s still watching her intently, shyly, waiting for her to speak what’s on her mind. But she’s always been better at expressing herself through actions rather than words. Jyn doesn’t let herself pause to consider it, doesn’t risk the self-defensive habits of years alone stopping her. She just closes the distance, reaching up to pull him down to meet her lips. Worrying about the past is useless. It won’t bring her parents back, no matter how much she wants them. She pushes aside her childish desires and focuses on how the Force has brought her what she needs. This, here, now. This is what she needs. Him. And their newfound family.

**9) Crawling - Linkin Park**  
Cassian doubts anyone that knew him as a child would recognise him now. He certainly doesn’t. It almost makes him glad his family aren’t here to see what he’s become. He might have inherited his father’s sharp cheekbones, his mother’s proud and jutting chin, but what lurks beneath has twisted his features over time into a dark caricature. He hates seeing his family’s genes in himself whenever he sees his reflection. It feels like a mockery of what they stood for. In his darkest moments he uses it as a path back to himself. He forces himself to face his reflection, to face the judgment of his family. He’ll happily take it if it means he can find his way back again, picking up what crumbs of himself he can find, never quite finding them all. Each time the pile has dwindled. But it’s enough. There’s enough left for him to piece together the person he needs to be. And sometimes it’s necessary to leave one or two of them behind, discard those which make his work harder, leaving gaps which won’t heal, won’t scar, but are bearable.

**10) In Too Deep - Sum 41**  
Sometimes they’re so in sync with one another it’s like their minds are linked. It’s frightening how quickly they’ve become bound together so tightly and seamlessly. Jyn has fleeting worries about losing herself and her autonomy in the ever deeper whirlpool she’s found herself caught up in with Cassian. She has to fight down the urge to try and swim against the current, focus instead on coming up regularly for breaths of freedom, though each one is beginning to burn more and more. It’s enough to make her flightiness visible. She can tell Cassian is worried, unsure what’s wrong when everything seems so right between them. She doesn’t know how to tell him how scared she is about this crazy connection between them. What if it comes out completely wrong and he takes it as a rejection? In the end he brings it up with her in conversation late one night. Instantly she’s tensed ready to fight against the tide, feeling like she’s drowning already as she haltingly spits out her fears and concerns, almost gasping for air and certain he’s going to decide it’s too much effort to try and sustain whatever this is between them. But instead of leaving her and finding his own way out Cassian stays. He steadies her, his strong hands gently guiding her to sit, his soothing voice calmly talking her through her fears and confiding his own to her. He promises to be open with her about he wants and asks for her to do the same. He promises he would never trap her, that they’re partners. And it is the breath of air her lungs have been burning for this whole time. She breathes it in deep, breathes _him_ in deep as she thanks him with a gentle and chaste kiss, doesn’t fight the current anymore and lets herself be swept up in it with him, lets it wash away the aching tension as she melts into him.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I tagged it as major character death and feel free to read it as such but I am just going to mention here the whole "no body, no death" rule. And how I am a big fan of how Bodhi swoops in and saves them on the beach at Scarif like the big damn hero he is. No matter what terrible situation these two find themselves in I'm sure Bodhi and co will always be there to step in and help. Even if it is right at the last second. Blame Chirrut for being ridiculously dramatic.
> 
> Also my mind is completely blank on what to tag this as other than 'angst' or variations thereof. I have managed to angst all over the place in various ways here.


End file.
